Fundamental Shift
Coming to terms with the new American reality my parents couldn’t prepare me for.
The “Quarter Life Crisis,” or burnout, or simply a sense of hopeless disenfranchisement. Whatever you want to call it, it’s a common, human experience for all mid-to-late 20-somethings of the 21st Century.
I am one of the oft maligned American Millennials. The Avocado Toast Tribe. And yet, in spite of the criticism we so often receive from the generations that have come before us, the reality of the Millennial condition is one defined by disillusionment. The determined optimism that existed for past generations in the United States has been gradually fizzing out for some time now. From Pew Research to CNBC, multiple studies and articles and pieces of research have been taking note of how recent generations are trailing behind the bar set for us by our parents.
I am a white woman from a mid-sized, Midwestern city. I come from a home where my parents were still together. My family was technically working class, yet my grandparents were middle class. As far as positions in American society go, mine has afforded me much opportunity. My skin color, and my grandparent’s savings, and my generally steady family life have granted me a stability that has given me a boost — deserved or not — in this overwhelmingly unjust society. And yet, while readily and adamently admitting that my own situation could absolutely be tougher, even I have not been exempt from the very real hurdle of being a 20-something Millennial in America.
I have gone through the usual experiences so common to Millennials. Wading through crippling college debt, navigating an interracial & intercultural marriage, clinging to multiple, under-paid, dead-end jobs in a flailing economy just to make ends meet. And enduring the never met, never exceeded expectations of my husband’s parents, and my own parents, leveled at us regularly. My American parents may have a different set of expectations than my husband’s Chinese parents, however both are oftentimes equally hard to meet. The stress of the seemingly unbridgeable divide, gaping between our disparate understandings of the way the world works, is a constant reminder to re-evaluate what exactly it is that should be a priority for me. In a new world where debt must be fended off from as early as 17, where the prospect of even finding truly viable employment in an overly competitive society is daunting, and in most U.S. States the possibility of buying an actual home can seem downright fanciful, what is one lost Millennial to do? Despite the gripe fest that I’ve written prior to this sentence, it is never my goal to live a life where I marinate in the negatives. This has perhaps been my single greatest lesson throughout the process of existing in my 20s.
From the exact moment of my realization that my life would never mirror my parents’ expectations for it, I was left with a sense of exhilarating emptiness. The previous generations’ reality was commonly rooted in the strong belief — whether it was actually attainable for everyone or not — that all would be rewarded for working hard within the established system. That there was a predetermined order to the milestones of one’s life. And by ticking the boxes of, college, simple career, heterosexual marriage, home purchase, babies, and retirement after 65, one could achieve the pinnacle of success, financial stability, “respectability,” and therefore true happiness. So if I was — as I was now realizing — unable to live in the reality of previous generations, then where did the “New American Dream” sit by comparison? Perhaps the two possibilities that mainstream society up to that point had demonstrated to me were not the only options. I considered that perhaps I did not have to either completely fall in line with the system, or live completely apart from it in socially isolated protest.
The New American Dream, as increasingly practiced by the nation’s up and coming generations, is a far cry from the dream as it was thought of before us. Our primary consideraton now is the question of fulfillment. What does it mean to be fulfilled, and how does this differ from fleeting happiness? The answer I am finding is that it can look different depending on the individual, and yet one commonality, shared between many of my Millennial kindred, is that sustainable fulfillment will usually equal, meaningful relationships + meaningful experiences. With so much questioned and crumbling around us, we have been left with the joyous burden of self evaluation and understanding. The journey of uncovering the hard truths in our American society, the deep wounds around us and within ourselves, and determining what our place is within that as we fight to grow.
I am still finding my path in the company of my Millennial compatriots, as I certainly will continue to do until the day I die. The difference is, that now my joy is in the journey. There is no longer a set destination in this contemporary America, no concrete answers or solutions. But the joy found in the freedom to seek fulfillment through connection, via personally meaningful experiences and relationships, is limitless in a way that cannot be calculated by more traditional means.
